Sunday, 20 March 2011
These moments when I wish I had that warmth. That person I can turn to for comfort, advice, and hope. That person who would sit beside me and listen to me ramble on about everything I am feeling without feeling bothered or tired of hearing me. That person who would take my hand and give it a little squeeze of reassurance to tell me they are here for me. That person who would give me the warmest hug I could ever ask for to soothe my pain. I really need that kind of person in my life, which I can trust with all of this drama in my life. Who could stand beside me and offer me strength, comfort, and trust. It is lonely not having anyone to turn to and know that they will be there for me.
Everyone is busy with their own lives and drama and I cannot burden them with mine. My closest friends are far away and talking on the phone is not the answer I seek. I need someone here, present, and strong to be there for me. I need someone I can lean on in moments like this. Sometimes being strong and independent doesn’t work. Sometimes we all need to rely on someone else to be strong for us, and for me I could really use that kind of person in my life. I have so many things I want to say, that are burrowed deep inside of me but there is no one to tell these stories to. So all I can do is write it out, and hope that I will be released even just a little bit from these tormented thoughts.
Saturday, 19 March 2011
People have scars. In all sorts of unexpected places. Like secret road maps of their personal histories. Diagrams of all their old wounds. Most of our wounds heal, leaving nothing behind but a scar. But some of them don’t. Some wounds we carry with us everywhere and though the cut’s long gone, the pain still lingers.
The truth is painful. Deep down, nobody wants to hear it, especially when it hits close. Sometimes we tell the truth because the truth is all we have to give. Sometimes we tell the truth because we need to say it out loud to hear it for ourselves. And sometimes we tell the truth because we just can’t help ourselves. Sometimes, we tell them because we owe them at least that much.
Wednesday, 16 March 2011
You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true.